The Art of Playing Games
by Chaos Star799
Summary: Just a quick humorous series starring our heroes and their lesson of playing games. Set around early Season 7 as Daniel is here. Some very mild spoilers and mild bad language, but nothing too offensive. My first SG1 story, now turned into a series. Reviews greatly welcomed. Chapter 3 Uploaded.
1. The Art of Playing Games

**Sometimes games can get slightly manipulated. First SG1 story, I'd say set around early season 7, Daniel is back. Slight spoilers for season 5 Enemies just on one reference.**

 **Sam's thoughts are in italic. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Hey! That's my word!"

"No way I thought of it first!"

"No way you copied me."

"Didn't"

"Did"

"Didn't"

"Did"

"Didn't"

"Guys! Seriously you sound like a bunch of 5 year olds!" a very annoyed Sam yelled. This was the third time during this game that she had to stop the oncoming argument between the boys. _'Seriously how old are they?'_ Sam turned to Teal'c, who as always was being his usual stoic self, what with that tilted head and one eyebrow raise. _'It's all right for him he doesn't really show his agitation. He has the patience of a saint.'_ Sam turned her head back towards the two males on the other side of the table that were now doing a great impression of avoiding looking at each other. _'Right here we go again, how to sort this out this time.'_

"Seriously guys this is the third time we have had to stop this game," She spoke to the people opposite her.

"Yes well, tell Jack to stop stealing my words!" The normally, mild tempered archaeologist spat out. Jack turned sharply to look at the person next to him.

"I did not steal any of your stupid words! I found them myself!"

"Yeah as if. I can really see you come up with a word like 'sebaceous.' I bet you don't even know what it means, let alone how to spell it!" The archaeologist spat back.

 _'Oh Daniel's really in for it now'_ Sam thought as she saw her CO's face turn to what was usually reserved for killing Jaffa.

"WHAT? What are you implying Daniel? Just because I don't have the knowledge of 26 different languages like you or brains the size of Carter, doesn't mean I don't know what words mean or how they are spelt, check any of my completed mission reports."

"Yeah right, I bet you probably asked Sam to write a few big words in your reports in order to get out of doing more work!" Daniel bit back.

 _'Wait a minute! When did I suddenly get dragged into this,'_ Sam thought. She slightly turned to her right and observed Teal'c to see whether he was going to stop the oncoming fight this time. However, there was no doubt about it, he was smirking, and he was enjoying this. _'Great. Just Great. Well that's it I've had enough! Teal'c is not going to help. Time to end this before Daniel ends up on the floor unconscious or worse dead.'_

"Why you….." Jack's words were abruptly cut off.

"GUYS!" Sam shouted. Suddenly they both turn to her with daggers in their eyes.

"WHAT!" they shout in unison. _'Great. Whenever they are angry with each other, I try to help but no, somehow I become the bad guy.'_ She thought.

"Seriously guys, have you heard yourselves? I'm sure Apophis and Ba'al wouldn't argue this much."

 _'God, now they are both staring at me like I've grown a second head. Lord honestly; give me a break here. Great. Anytime you'd like to step in here Teal'c.'_

After glancing towards the Jaffa, his second eyebrow had now joined the first.

"Major Carter," Teal'c said, "I do not think that Apophis would be able to partake playing such a game as he is dead, and as for the System Lord Ba'al, I would disembowel him before he could even set foot on this planet."

 _'Trust Teal'c to state the glaringly obvious. It was bad enough with the two overgrown babies arguing, but a Jaffa joker? Just wonderful. Okay, this has to end now before I lose my sanity or worse, just end up killing them all.'_

"What I am trying to say is that, if you cannot partake in a game without you two arguing so much, then there is no point in us playing any games together as every game we play the two of you will be blaming each other for something." All three sets of eyes continue to stare at her. _'Great, the silent treatment. As I stated earlier why do I always end up the bad guy here?'_

Finally, silence befalls the table. _'Finally, blissful silence. Perhaps, it's finally hit home, maybe they can work it out, please God I'm begging you here for my own sanity.'_

"Well he started it," Daniel stated, shattering the moments of peace.

"Did not," Jack bats back

"Did too,"

"Did not,"

 _'Oh here we go again!'_ Sam threw her head against the table with a loud 'THUMP' while the arguing continued around her.

"Did too,"

"Did not,"

"DID TOO!"

"DID NOT!"

"Right that's it! I'm out of here before I lose my sanity or worse yet, I end up killing one of you." Sam shouted as she grabbed her coat from the back of the chair and headed out the front door, slamming it shut on her way out. Silence descended on the room once again.

"So, I take it she is thoroughly annoyed?" Jack asked after another pause.

"It would appear that that is the case O'Neill," Teal'c answered his friend.

"YES! WOHOO! I knew it. Cough up Danny Boy, you owe me $20," Jack slapped his friend on the shoulder. Daniel took out his wallet and retrieved a twenty dollar bill and handed it too Jack.

"Seriously, I thought she would have more guts and patience to try and tolerate us and put an end to the fighting." Daniel shook his head.

"Yeah well, we were pretty convincing," Jack laughed as he put away his $20.

"Indeed. I feel that Colonel Carter was convinced by your little deception." Teal'c added.

"Yeah, she's going to be really annoyed with us though when she finds out she was set up," Daniel joined in the laughter.

"Yes well, lets not dwell on getting our ass' kicked for now and anyway, it's payback for those big words she kept using that we didn't understand." Jack added. They all laughed well except for Teal'c who just smiled and nodded.

"She what are we going to do now?" Daniel asked

"Wanna play monopoly?" Jack asked

"Indeed!"

* * *

 **And that's that. Hope you enjoyed. I may write more escapades regarding the guys and their art of manipulation. Please feel free to review, as it's my first story I am open to feedback.**


	2. The Art of a Repeat Performance

Well I'm back again! After some positive reviews from my last story, I've decided to continue writing. Did post this separately but decided to add it as a chapter, makes the story easier for you guys to read. The story continues on from the madness of my previous story, **The Art of Playing Games.** The SG1 boys are at it again. Rated K for one mild swear word. No real spoilers for anything. Janet's thoughts are in italic. Enjoy!

* * *

Janet never considered herself to have a short fuse by any means. As a medical doctor, patience, sympathy and empathy were attributes that Janet had prided herself on all throughout her career. However, this was not going to continue though if she came into contact with any of the male contingency of SG1 anymore. _'I swear if they keep this up I'll show them the meaning of the term colonoscopy.'_

Janet should have stayed in bed this morning. She knew that now. It was turning out to be one of those days, starting with her spilling her morning coffee all over her shirt. That should have been the first clue. After hunting for a clean shirt, Cassie had then decided to throw a tantrum with regards to her working on her day off, when they were supposed to go and see this new film that was just released, starring some 'hot' guy, who Janet for the life of her, had never heard of. _'Can I help it if SG14 were late back yesterday carrying high temperatures and left a hell of lot of paperwork to go with it?'_ If only Janet knew then, she would have called in sick and taken Cassie to see this 'hot' guy that she'd personally never heard of.

Luckily, _'or unluckily,'_ Janet thought, issues in the morning aside, Janet had made it to the base on time and after a quick stop at the commissary for a coffee, Janet headed to the Infirmary. Normally, this was her sanctuary; no one in their right mind would willingly come to the Infirmary, barring any off world or on base emergencies of course. Today was to be, on the whole, just a quick paperwork catch-up day, which suited Janet just fine. _'What a hope in hell I had. I'm sure Netu would provide more of a sanctuary. Then again, with the thoughts that I am having at the moment, perhaps I'll end up there quite soon.'_

The term 'normally' seemed to have no meaning to the three males who were crowded around her infirmary today, two of which were arguing like there was no tomorrow and one Jaffa side-kick, who was quite intent on letting events play out. Teal'c was supposed to be the mature member of the group, considering that he was technically over hundred years of age, _'but then again,'_ Janet thought, _' he has been around the boy that never grew up for the last seven years.'_

Yep, one Jack O'Neill, the king of euphemisms and sarcasm and an unhealthy obsession with antagonising his team mate and long time friend Dr. Daniel Jackson. _'You'd think Daniel, being quite an intelligent man would be above this behaviour.'_ But alas, as the saying goes, today was definitely not Janet's day.

Janet glanced at her watch. An hour and a half. They had been arguing for a whole hour and a half! ' _What the hell have I done to deserve this? For the love of all that is holy, make them stop!'_ Janet was by now hunched over her desk; palms jammed into her eyeballs and a headache the size of Nebraska starting behind them. _'I'm sure a bunch of pre-schoolers wouldn't cause this much hassle.'_ Janet had long since given up on the argument currently going on around her at least an hour ago. Removing her palms from her eyeballs, Janet blearily looked up at the three males still crowded around her infirmary, who were still in the heat of throwing insults back and forth to each other.

"You deliberately dropped that book Daniel, you could have broken my arm, see, it's red and it tingles, you could have seriously damaged it!" O'Neill shouted.

"Give me a break, you deliberately put your arm there just as I was about to put it down, and anyway, it's not that heavy!" the archaeologist spat back.

"No way! You deliberately aimed for my arm. As for that book, it could be classified as a dangerous weapon, it's like a brick. Right Teal'c?" Jack glanced at the Jaffa, who was stood to O'Neill's right.

"It did seem to be the case Daniel Jackson. And I concur, that book could be quite lethal in the right circumstances."

"What? You're agreeing with him!" Daniel shouted back.

"I am merely suggesting…" but Daniel wouldn't let him finish.

"Of course you'd agree with Jack. I mean he doesn't actually do well without getting his own way."

"What are you actually implying Daniel? Just because you have violent tendencies, towards me especially it seems; that doesn't mean that I am an attention seeker. You deliberately aimed for me and Teal'c was only being honest about what he saw."

"For the last time, I did not aim for you and anyway, there is nothing wrong with you, you can still move it can't you?"

"Hate to break it to you Danny Boy, but you are a doctor of archaeology not a medical doctor." Jack replied, with a strong sense of smug satisfaction.

"O'Neill is indeed correct." Teal'c 'helpfully' added.

"Yes thank you Colonel Obvious, but it doesn't take a medical professional to tell you that you will survive and there is nothing wrong with you."

"Well that's why I am here, and you wouldn't be here if you thought it wasn't anything serious like you suggest, right Doc?" Jack asked, turning to look towards the doctor.

 _'Oh great. Does he really have to drag me into this.'_ Janet glanced at O'Neill and the other two males who were both now staring at her also. _'Oh this day couldn't get any better.'_

"Well Doc?" O'Neill enquired. Just as Janet was about to open her mouth, Daniel interrupted again,

"Yes Janet, please tell Jack here that he is a big baby and that he is overacting."

"For the last time Daniel you deliberately…"

 _'Screw this.'_ With that, Janet rose from her chair and stepped past them and made her way to the Infirmary doors, as they continued to bicker.

"If you'll excuse me guys, I just remembered I have a pressing engagement, that I need to attend to." And with that, Janet made a hasty retreat out of the Infirmary and towards the elevator. The term 'bat out of hell' had nothing on Janet.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After exiting the elevator, Janet headed towards the lab of the other, and in her book, only sane member of SG1 it seemed. Entering the lab, Janet greeted her friend.

"Hey Sam."

"Oh hey Janet," Sam greeted in return. Raising her head from her notes, she studied her friends' appearance. Something wasn't quite right. The normally headstrong doctor seemed…"Are you okay Janet? You seem a bit…."

"Irate? Agitated? Annoyed? On the edge? Two seconds away from committing mass homicide?" Janet ranted. Slightly taken aback by her friends' outburst, Sam replied,

"Well I was going to say frazzled, but I suppose any of those definitions could apply."

Janet sighed, "Sorry Sam, didn't mean to take it out on you there." Striding over to the chair on the other side of Sam's desk, Janet literally collapsed with another deflating sigh. "How the hell do you cope and deal with the three adolescents you seem to have on your team?" Sam gave her a sympathetic look.

"You too huh? Believe me Janet, sometimes I wonder the same thing."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a much needed two-hour break, most of which was spent talking to Sam, Janet believed she had finally calmed down enough. _'Well mass murder is not exactly in the forefront of my mind at the moment, so that must be a positive,'_ Janet decided it was time to make her way back to the Infirmary. _'It's been two hours now. Hopefully, those guys have now surely given up and left. For the love of all that is holy, please, please be gone,'_ she thought as she began to make her way off the elevator.

 _'So far so good.'_ Janet couldn't hear any arguing from down the corridor, that was definitely a good sign. Sighing again, Janet turned the corner and began the final stretch towards the Infirmary doors. As Janet began to get closer, she froze. _'Oh hell no! How the hell can they still be there! It's been two whole hours! God, damn you seriously.'_ No doubt about it, Janet could see the unmistakable features of one Jack O'Neill through the glass in the doors, with Teal'c standing not too far behind him _. 'Oh hell. Wait, they haven't seen me yet, maybe if I slowly turn around and head back around the corner…'_ Just as Janet was contemplating her escape Teal'c glanced through the glass panels and spotted her. _'Damn it all to hell again!'_

Just at that moment the damn Jaffa indicated to O'Neill that Janet was stood there. O'Neill turned and after spotting her also, pushed open the Infirmary door,

"Hey Janet, glad you are back. Maybe you can check my arm out now, so that I can have an excuse to kick Danny's ass here."

"We've been over this Jack, it's your own bloody fault, and it's not bloody broken either." Janet could here the archaeologist spit back from within the Infirmary. O'Neill turned to glare in the direction of where Janet assumed Daniel was,

"Was not my fault you deliberately aimed for me…"

That was the last straw. ' _That's it I can't take it!'_ With that Janet turned and literally bolted around the corner towards the elevator. _'I've had it, the SGC is on it's own, I'm taking the rest of the day off. I'll send a message to Hammond telling him I've left for the day and not coming back and maybe not even tomorrow either; I have a date with a large bottle of wine or maybe something stronger, I certainly need one. Damn you O'Neill and Co.'_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So it seems that you owe me and Teal'c $20 each Danny Boy. It seems that the good ol'doc is not gonna be returning anytime today."

"Indeed. It would appear that Doctor Fraiser has, I believe the phrase is, made a quick getaway."

Daniel grabbed his wallet out of his back pocket and passed $20 to Teal'c and then begrudgingly to O'Neill. "I just don't believe it, I would have banked on Janet tolerating us for sure, but then again, I did say the same thing about Sam. Glad I didn't go double or nothing." Daniel exclaimed.

"Indeed, it would appear that you have once again underestimated our abilities in the art of manipulation Daniel Jackson." Teal'c answered and bowed slightly before heading towards the exit.

"Yep, as I said the other day Danny Boy, we are really quite convincing," Jack laughed as he began to make his way out of the Infirmary into the corridor.

"You do realize though Jack, we have now manipulated two women in the last week. I mean, two quite smart and dare I say dangerous women. I've heard the saying hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but two?" Daniel raised himself off the chair and followed his colleagues towards the exit, shivering for dramatic effect.

"Don't I know it Daniel, and I speak for the safety of us all when I say that it would be wise not too mention anything, to anyone." Jack replied.

"Indeed, it would be the most wisest cause of action." Teal'c agreed.

"Gotta say though, it has been fun," Jack tittered as the men slowly made their way to the elevator. "So here's a thought, how about raising the stakes?"

* * *

Well I hope you enjoyed it. Well the boys were at it again, poor Janet. This story has sort of built itself up into a little mini series. I have a few more ideas rattling around for this little franchise, so stayed tune for the next instalment. Feedback much appreciated. Until next time.


	3. The Art of Debriefings

**I'm back, with another installment of madness. Our resident SG1 men, go three for three. Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers, it has inspired me to continue with these escapades. Mild spoilers and apologies for some mild bad language but it is nothing too offensive. Hammond's thoughts are in italic. Enjoy.**

* * *

Stargate Command, or SGC for short, was quite possible Earth's greatest hope within the galaxy. The best and quite possibly the brightest were enlisted into the program. Responsibility in the highest degree came upon these individuals, therefore discipline and teamwork were key elements, yet, in light of recent proceedings however, Hammond was beginning to rethink his views on this policy, seriously rethink it. Today's briefing was a testament to that.

* * *

Briefings, although tedious and sometimes lengthy, were a required necessity of SGC life and Hammond knew that sometimes they could be trying. So patience was a strong quality that Hammond prided himself on, especially when briefings could, well, drag on, so to say. Apparently though, this particular briefing was proving to be beyond trying, so much so, that Hammond was about one minute away from ordering an airman to bring a zat from the armoury.

 _'I'm positive I can get away with that. Surely I can claim excruciating circumstances? Hmm…alien virus perhaps. Haven't had one of them turn up in a while,'_ Hammond pondered while staring impassively towards the wall at the back of the room. Patience it seems; did have its limits.

That particular fantasy though was rudely interrupted once again by another sarcastic retort from Mr. Irreverence himself, Colonel Jack O'Neill. As his comment was yet again, another sharp retort to the resident archaeologist seated diagonally across from him.

 _'Damn.'_

Behold SG1. Quite possible the scourge of the galaxy, and even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone, even under penalty of death, Hammond's favourite group of mismatched misfits. _'Well they were until this particular briefing,'_ Hammond thought once again, glaring in the direction of Colonel O'Neill.

 _'Okay, to be fair, it's not all of the team.'_ Nope, there was one sane member it seemed. However, due to a slight computer malfunction, Major Carter had had to depart the briefing early, leaving Hammond with possibly the three biggest children on the planet, quite possibly the galaxy.

Squabbling. That's the most accurate description that could describe what was happening. Colonel O'Neill's patience or lack of, was something Hammond knew quite well, however, what made it ten times worse was the fact that the normally mild tempered archaeologist and the usually stoic Jaffa took it upon themselves to throw themselves fully into the foray. _'Well okay, maybe Teal'c wasn't exactly participating as much as the other two, but his patented smirk and odd 'helpful' comments, weren't helping matters.'_

To think that these were Earth's finest. At present, Hammond began to question his own sanity.

* * *

The briefing had started out as normal as can be, Major Carter taking centre stage as she began to describe in great detail the planet that SG1 would be visiting on their next off-world mission. Dr. Jackson was shuffling through his notes, Teal'c was sitting ramrod straight in his seat, and Colonel O'Neill was slouched in his chair, twirling a pen around in his fingers, so, by Hammond's standards, a normal SG1 briefing.

About 20 minutes into her speech, Sgt. Harriman had interrupted and requested Major Carter's assistance. After receiving a brief overview and then giving a quick nod to her, Major Carter had departed with Sgt. Harriman down the spiralling staircase and out of sight. _'And that's when it all went to hell, '_ Hammond thought.

Apparently, although Hammond couldn't be 100% sure as his back was to the table at the time, something greatly defining and slightly unbelievable had transpired between the Colonel and Dr. Jackson, and that was what had sparked this whole mess.

 _'A damn pen and a coffee thermos? My sanity is hanging on the brink from a blasted pen and coffee thermos!"_

* * *

From what Hammond had deduced during the last 20 minutes of bickering, was quite simple. It seemed that Dr. Jackson had been unwilling to share the coffee thermos. Colonel O'Neill it seemed was not entirely impressed with that decision.

"Dr. Jackson was indeed unwilling to share the beverage, therefore O'Neill took it upon himself to rectify this situation," Teal'c had simply stated with, what Hammond suspected was a hint of smugness, much to Hammond's chagrin.

 _'Of course O'Neill wouldn't be impressed. He has the patience of a five year old.'_ Hammond gave himself a mental sigh. ' _Hang on a minute, it also seems our loyal Jaffa seems to been learning some of Earth's more annoying human customs as well. Joy.'_

"With all due respect Sir, I'm not to blame here. If he'd have handed over the thermos instead of blatantly ignoring me when I asked I wouldn't have had to take such drastic action Sir," O'Neill protested.

The 'drastic action' as O'Neill had described was to launch the pen that he had been twirling earlier at the thermos that was directly in front of the 'oblivious' archaeologist. Colonel O'Neill though, was a trained soldier and a bloody good one. Therefore, it was no surprise that his weapon of choice had had the desired effect and had hit the target directly. The big problem was, that it had hit the target, but it had bounced off said target and hit Daniel squarely on the centre of his forehead, if where he was holding was any indication. To say the archaeologist was pissed was an understatement.

"What the hell Jack? I wasn't ignoring you, I had no idea you wanted the damn coffee. You didn't have to resort to throwing things. You could have taken my eye out!" Daniel exclaimed.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's not my fault that the pen bounced off the thermos and hit your head," O'Neill countered.

"You deliberately aimed it that way so it would bounce off and hit me," Daniel batted back.

 _'It never seems to amaze me how two grown men can bait each other into squabbling like pre-schoolers,'_ Hammond concluded. _'To think these are Earth's finest.'_ Hammond rubbed his forehead again. This situation was getting ridiculous. Hammond had tried to be diplomatic and let them sort the issue out rationally. _'Judging by the insults that keep on coming, there really isn't a snowballs chance in hell of that happening.'_

"Indeed Daniel Jackson, it would seem that you were an unfortunate casualty of you own ignorance," Teal'c stated, breaking the tirade of insults.

 _'If anyone claims Teal'c doesn't have a mischievous side, I'm going to politely imply that they should bite me. The damn Jaffa was getting too good.'_

"Really Teal'c? Are you always going to agree with Jack? I mean come on, just because he may be your warrior brother doesn't mean he needs you defending him, even though he is an adolescent child!" Daniel spat back in response to the Jaffa's comments.

"Oh your asking for it now Danny Boy. First off, Teal'c doesn't always agree with me. Second, he doesn't always defend me and I can fight my own battles and thirdly, and most importantly, I am not a damn child!" O'Neill shouted.

And that's when Hammond's patience ended. _'Okay, enough is enough.'_

"Well if…."

"Colonel O'Neill, Dr. Jackson that is quite enough!" Hammond exclaimed cutting off Daniel's next retort.

"I can safely say that this incident has tried my patience to breaking point. It seems that none of you are fit for dealing with this in a sensible manner at the moment. I'm sure more decorum could be found in a kindergarden class. Therefore, I'm suspending this briefing until oh nine hundred hours tomorrow. I expect you to be here on time and to have sorted out this issue to a satisfactory conclusion. Is that understood?"

Throwing a glare to each individual male, there was a subdued chorus of reluctant agreement.

"Excellent. Dismissed." With that, Hammond rose from his seat and quick marched himself into his office, closing the door behind him and on the three males still sat at the briefing room table.

 _'Thank God. Peace and Quiet.'_

* * *

"Well once again, another rousing success, right T?" O'Neill stated as he turned to his Jaffa teammate, just as the door to Hammond's office had closed.

"Indeed," the Jaffa replied, bowing his head slightly in agreement. "As I believe the saying goes O'Neill, we are three for three."

"Unbelievable, I mean seriously? I cannot believe we pulled this scenario off. So glad I didn't bet this time but still, it's just unbelievable. The odds are just phenomenal, I mean not just this one but for all three times we've done this," Daniel exclaimed, shaking his head in bewilderment from across the table.

"Yes well, I'll repeat what I have said before Danny Boy, we are quite convincing, and I can safely say we have manipulated that scenario to perfection." With that, O'Neill rose out of his seat and headed towards the stairs, Teal'c following closely behind. "And as they say, that my friends is game, set and match."

"I hope so Jack, I do hope so," Daniel muttered to himself, rising and following his fellow team members.

* * *

There was a knock on his office door, he glanced up and gestured for the two figures to come inside.

"So I have come to realize that the three males of SG1 have decided that they like to play games. What they have failed to realize though is that they aren't the only ones. Let's see if we can turn the tables on our 'manipulators,' shall we?" The other two figures nodded in agreement.

Oh yes, payback was coming.

* * *

 **And that as our beloved Colonel would say, 'that is game, set and match." Or isit? Poor Hammond, even he wasn't safe from our trio's games. Don't worry, payback is coming. Thanks again for reading, feedback more than welcome. Until next time.**


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